I’ve been invited to be a panel member for a discussion on ethical non-monogamy at the Southwest Love Fest!!!
At last, a hypersexual perspective on ethical sexual relationships has been welcomed!
That makes at least two of the predictions that were made in the novel Hypersexual – now true. In the prediction regarding this, I wrote that hypersexuals would be and should be consulted about about all the sexually related issues they may have intimate knowledge of, or even extra intensive knowledge of. Non-monogamy is certainly one of those issues. And the ethics involved – which are likely to be tested – are also an issue that hypersexuals deal with head-on nearly every day of their lives.
The other prediction that was made, and has come true, is that Hypersexuality – just as homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality before it – would eventually be removed from the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – which is the bible for all professional psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists. And indeed, barely one year after the novel Hypersexual was published, the 2017 DSM (5) removed hypersexuality from it’s list of mental disorders.
Of course, none of this surprises me. From a logical point-of-view, and from inside the daily experience of hypersexuality, each of these social evolution’s could be seen developing. In large part, because they needed to be developed. And in no small part, because the time has come.
Events like The Southwest Love Fest will help our culture to evolve our understandings of what is clearly and historically one the most complex and difficult issues of adult human relationships – namely, non-monogamy.
- Author: Rory Aiken (aka Brad Garso)
- Paperback: 454 pages
- Category: Transgressive Literary Fiction
- Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1 edition (October 7, 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1539143473
- ISBN-13: 978-1539143475
Having my novel reviewed by E. L. Axford, a well seasoned and serious literary professional from San Francisco – who is also a self described “Angry Roller Derby Dyke” – is one of the most important things that has happened with my book.
Receiving such a focused reading and critical review of my book by someone who is both a literary professional and a specifically knowledgeable person when it comes to progressive sexual issues and the histories of those issues in America – was a dream come true for me.
So, without further ado I’ll let E. L.’s review do the rest of the talking.
Rory Aiken is my pseudonym as the author of the novel Hypersexual.
My real name is Bradley J. Garso.
The use of a pseudonym was chosen, in this case, because it served as an important mechanism for the transgressive fiction design of the story.
One of the earliest breakthrough moments for me in the conceptual considerations of Hypersexual was the idea to use an author’s pseudonym – and to use that pseudonym as the main character and narrator’s name.
This unusual (though not entirely unique) decision was meant, in part, to help produce the most intimate voice possible for the story. A voice from inside the complicated realities and challenging sex related issues being dealt with.
But equally important, the idea also created a genre bending effect that allowed me to expand the narrative perspective beyond the usual nonfiction single-individual based angle of a memoir, or an autobiography, into something broader in scope and more inclusive. Which was important to me because so much of my information and understanding has come from my intimate and revealing interactions, communications, and relationships with other hypersexuals and sexually deviant persons.
Utilizing the fiction empowered ability to create a protagonist/narrator, as well as an antagonist and other characters, that embodied the real-life attributes from many actual people – including myself and the myriad of persons I’ve known – and which could represent multiple sexual issues, behaviors, and actions that I’d experienced, observed, or been told about, as well as help illustrate the pertinent research points that I’d uncovered, seemed incredibly efficient. Especially when compared to a strictly limited nonfiction approach.
However, these genre bending writing choices and methods have also led to my being questioned by several early readers, including my editors, about whether or not the nature of my book is more or less thinly veiled fiction – in large part because it seemed so vivid it must be descriptions of real occurrences. Which I’ve learned to accept as a compliment, and which I eventually began responding to with a simple “Thank you.”
Because, while the entire storyline and manuscript is fictional, my intention from the beginning has been to create a book that feels – for the readers – as personally unveiling as is possible.
From the outset of this project I’ve tried to merge the informed fiction of the story into a narrative tone that assimilates an intimately shared secret.
Which, I’m hopeful, will produce an interesting, surprisingly informative, and meaningful experience for readers.
Author’s Note: Hypersexual is not about the authors individual life, specific childhood, or family life; Hypersexual is a Novel about many of the often turned-away-from sexual realities and severely challenging sex related issues that have played a part in shaping the lives of countless children, families, and persons like myself.
So far, in just a little over a year, Hypersexual has gotten positive feedback and/or sales results in 13 Countries:
- United Kingdom
For all those checking in on my Blog site, perhaps having come from my Amazon.com book page, or my Twitter feed or FB pages – I would like to introduce this site to you as being comprised of short treatise and loose essay style pieces that are open and frank explanations and explorations of some of the smaller bits and pieces of the much larger and humanly complex transgressive fiction story that is contained in the novel Hypersexual.
The novel, as a more than six year project that included the important assistance of several specifically suited editors, is a work of passion aimed at communicating in a substantially more direct and fully unguarded way about sex and sexual contact issues and sex related issues ranging all the way from infant pedophilia to being a voluntary object of necrophilia, and from first experiences of sex being fully conscious and well informed personal choices all the way to an individual example of (the main character) perceiving his upbringing of repeatedly having his individual “choice” taken away through incest and pedophilia as resulting in an experiential perspective capable of a surprisingly wide set of crucial and inclusive sexual understandings and empowerment’s. All of which, from the earliest stages of comprehension, I have been planning to write about since my late teenage years.
Since you’re here on the blog site, I hope you’ll enjoy the short form offerings you’ll find. But even more, I hope that what you read here will lead you toward taking a Look at the Novel.
In this piece I would like to make more clear what I see hypersexuality as, and how I’ve experienced it as that form and entity of sexuality in our greater society and culture.
As a sexual orientation hypersexuality might seem particularly difficult to nail-down, especially since it may be a component of, or a driving force for, or simply a momentary expression found in absolutely any kind of sexual behavior from internal fantasies to common and less common heterosexual contact, to engaging prostitution, to every kind of sexual variations that LGBTQAIP+ persons engage in, to sexual deviations beyond all those (zoophilia and necrophilia for instance), or in any other imaginable sexual behaviors, or any mixture of all of those sexual behaviors.
However, and interestingly different in comparison to many if not most other sexual orientations and or identities, none of those behaviors, or sets of behaviors, or types of partners in those behaviors are what defines hypersexuality.
Instead, it could be said that hypersexuality is the sexual orientation that has no necessarily fixed orientation toward any particular set of sexual behaviors, or sex of partners, or gender expressions of either themselves or their partners.
(Which holds an extraordinarily fluid and inclusive potential, but I digress.)
Ultimately, in my experience, hypersexuality is better defined by it’s active disregard of sexual boundary lines of all kinds including common conventions, less common demarcations, even variant delineations, and certainly laws. Hypersexuality is best defined by it’s dynamic intention and direct engagement of behaviors and actions that allow it to push through or around whatever limitations it finds or is being inhibited by. And by its insistence that it will not be easily denied.
In other words, hypersexuality is, in my understanding, the embracing of any sexually aimed thinking or action that is a conscious attempt to circumvent, penetrate beyond, or to break through whatever societal and/or cultural barriers and restrictions are threatening to limit that persons sexual pursuits or opportunities for sexual contact.
Hypersexuality is, for the person involved, the quest for and engagement of sex, sexual contact, or sexual expressions that they understand to be, or experience as being beyond socially acceptable (due to whatever set of social reasoning or controlling factors), and that therefore require socially trangressive behavior(s) on their part – whether openly or in secret.
As a simple example: A person who considers masturbating in a place that they know isn’t entirely safe from potential social consequences – and then does it anyway – is, for at least the span of that decision and sexual act, hypersexualized.
From this simple seeming foundation one can only imagine the incredibly myriad and deviant variations this omni-direction would give humans access to. Especially when compared to the tightly defined and channeled “normal” choices that American society morally and legally allows us.
Seen in this way, it also becomes clear that hypersexualism is more about it’s unusually dynamic interaction with normative social and sexual definitions, condemnations, and consequences than it is about the theories that make it out to be a mental “sickness” and a medical “condition.”
Hypersexuality is the empowerment of the individual sexual will to find-and-have sex, despite the social hurdles in place.
Perceived in this way, within our so often sexual-contact stifling society, it also becomes possible to see that hypersexuality may well describe far more of our general American sexual experience than may be expected.
In smaller, perhaps mainly temporary, and mostly less noticeable ways, this edge of sexual behavior and experience may include nearly all of us.
For some of us, it can be a daily and often multiple times per day, with multiple different partners per day kind of pursuit.
But more importantly, what I especially appreciate now, is that this core-experience of hypersexuality – the (perceived) necessity and engagement of transgressive sexual behavior – whether temporary or obsessive – is actually an unexpected and surprisingly vast common-ground of our greater social sexual experience.
Which is an understanding I ardently cherish, in large part because I believe that great value is often found and revealed from within common-ground.
Such (at least in part) is the mission of my book.
In the novel Hypersexual I devote a great deal of energy and focus toward exploring numerous different and often surprising angles of exactly how and where hypersexuality, and this understanding of a sexual common-ground, holds the potential to sprout substantially socially valuable and even sexually protective evolution’s. Among them: Much better education for our youth based on more fully acknowledging the vast reaches of human sexuality and the serious powers it holds within our individual personalities and social congress; and new laws based on freely facilitating sexual contact options, which would not only have a massive positive effect on individual sex lives and society at large, but would also substantially reduce sex-seeking related crimes.
In my adolescence and early teen years my physical and emotional hypersexuality was such an elemental and driving force I hardly even stopped to consider my gender perspective or orientation.
As mentioned in the book, in my continuous and spontaneously expanding search for sexual contact, when the moment came that feminine submission (as perceived by the older males who had sex with me) arrived as a way to obtain sexual contact – I became feminine. And I relished it.
Since my earliest consciousness I had adored females so much I was simply ecstatic to be (as I perceived) one of them.
And back then, when that kind of sexual experience was completed I would (nearly without thought) go back again to my self that was the third-son in my family, and the middle-child, and a somewhat less-overtly-achieving version of a still immature and supposedly “masculine” American boy.
Only to await my next opportunity at sexual contact, however that may be most expediently facilitated. Which predominantly, during my formative years, turned out to be my feminine submission to older male partners.
However, the older I got the more aware I became of the seemingly extra-odd social position/perspective that I found myself in due to my hypersexuality.
I remember as a preteen and teen in the early 1970’s that the hateful way American society treated gay men was threatening to me – but not because I thought that I was gay. My tangential fear was that if any of my sexual contact or behaviors with male partners was discovered, I would be confused as being gay. Which would have had serious consequences, no doubt.
But what I was really afraid of was being discovered for what I really was; a hyperactive pervert who was not normal (hetero), and was not gay, and was not exactly bisexual (a term not much acknowledged in early 1970’s), who would have any kind of sex with almost anyone, of almost any age (especially older and much older), and who did not care which gender was embodied during that sexual contact. All of which I fully believed would have resulted in my being put into a mental hospital.
Still, not having to deal with the internal horrors of a gender identity crisis in those preteen and early teen years was a relief.
As were, during my later teens and twenties, my vivid memories of the fully natural feeling way that I had experienced sexual contact as a younger person – because I knew then, and ever since, that I didn’t belong in a mental hospital. And I knew that whatever I was, I was exactly what I was meant to be.
Seeing that society (at that time) had no apparent definition for me, which equaled no understanding of me, helped create my belief in the idea that my understanding was what mattered. And that the common prejudiced sexual politics around me (almost exclusively about being gay) basically didn’t include or directly concern me. And for the most part, other than my development of a lifestyle of stealth, that was that.
For me, the incredibly validating value that came from being clearly and distinctly beyond the confining sex related definitions of my surrounding society, became my refuge. As stated, I was sometimes afraid of discovery and the possible legal and medically enforced consequences – but I was not internally afraid of the moral judgements of society, or of any serious gender confusions.
Ultimately, because of my personally caring emotional nature, the most difficult issue and conundrum that I would grapple with was the deception and dishonesty of my stealth lifestyle. Which, for the most part I successfully counter-balanced with my respect of personal privacy, including my own. And which, in the end, has gotten me through my adulthood and sanely to this point in time.
Another fabulous value that hypersexuality has had for me is that even though I grew up in a very conservative city in a very conservative mountain-western state, and then lived as an adult in an equally conservative mid-western state, I don’t remember ever having the experience of questioning the right of, or the respect for, any and every kind of gender expression that I saw in the news or movies, or read about, or otherwise became aware of, or came across personally. Inside my private and personal space I admired them all.
As a child and teenager, out of necessity, in social situations where queers were being ridiculed (usually rhetorically) I did guffaw and snort and act disgusted along with the people around me. But even then I secretly felt an immediate and sincere closeness with anyone and everyone’s personal gender choices, sexual expressions, and related behaviors. In fact, the more different they were – the less alone they made me feel.
Privately, they were my community.
All these years later, one of the things that attracts my attention is how intimate and valuable an example of open-ended inclusion that hypersexual experience was, and still is. And how that perspective is certainly pertinent now in relation to the current explorations of non-binary, plural, and fluid gender identities. Which seem, even now, and even among some of the non-traditional gender identity communities, to be a particularly challenging sort of identity assertion, and one that is sometimes cornered into a stance of defensiveness.
To me, questioning the sincerity or genuineness of someone who experiences themselves as feminine today and perhaps queer masculine tomorrow, or non-binary the next week and cis/het for the next month or year after that – or any combination thereof for any duration of time – seems no different than doubting the personal recognition’s or gender transitions of anyone – ever.
And I fail to understand why anyone would attempt to validate and differentiate a single transition in gender experience, expression, orientation, or identity, from the essence of the reality of, and the right to personal identity choices and transitioning itself.
We all know that human life is an experience of change in so many ways, be it physical, emotional, philosophical, familial, professional, religious, etc. Sometimes the changes are slow or smaller, and sometimes they are surprisingly fast and much bigger, or even life changing. So why not expect multiple changes and accept fluidity in gender experiences, orientations, and identities?
As an author I recently read exclaimed, “Let your gender flag fly freely!”
To that I’ll add, “Feel the wind!”
Due to my lifelong experience of hypersexuality I’m a gender freak who is ever gladdened by the expansion of our world of gender expressions and identity variations. And I’ll always herald the full acceptance of each, as they reveal themselves.
Please read more about it in my novel. I hope you’ll enjoy.
I am also excitedly working on a follow-up to Gender Queering, which is on hypersexuality as an especially revealing sexual orientation.
Perhaps the most interesting thing about discussing hypersexuality as a sexual orientation is the incredibly open and fluid lines of sexual attractions and expressions, and the vastly uninhibited and truly myriad behaviors it includes.
Many readers, even after finishing the book, have asked:
“So, what exactly is a hypersexual?”
Which I find to be a wonderfully satisfying question, and one that I had very purposely left the book open to – because an open question can be so much more powerful than a closed one. Especially in the fictional setting.
In this non-fiction piece, however, I will make several crystal clear revelations that will put a whole new – and I believe surprising – frame of perspective on hypersexuality.
A frame of perspective that may even include – You. (*At least, in some way.)
Look for both of my upcoming pieces on the social strata and position of relevancy of hypersexuality!
I am excitedly working on a brief treatise on hypersexuality as it pertains to my own experiences and observations of gender queering.
In the piece I will discuss how the experience of hypersexuality is often – but not always – inclusive of the experiences of gender questioning, gender orientation and identity blurring, switching orientations and/or identities (for some people back-and-forth), and a host of other types of gender transgressions, including the less-talked-about more-fluid-states of gender experience.
One of the currently being dealt with realities of gender labeling is the social tendency toward static definitions. Some people will even claim that anything less than a fully-committed-to and static (or currently stabilizing) self definition of ones gender is somehow less-than-genuine. Sometimes, some people would even demand that an individual be fully disclosed and open about their sexual orientation and/or identity in order to qualify as an “authentic member” of whatever orientation or identity is being question.
Both of which are just as seriously wrong in terms of gender ignorance and sexuality based judgment against our fellow humans as any before it!
In response, I believe that hypersexuality may be an especially excellent herald of the necessary new layers of understanding of the less-static and more-fluid gender identity experiences. Because by definition, in many if not most cases of hypersexuality, those individuals are intent on reaching right past the boundaries of whatever sexual limits they are finding.
As I will discuss in finer detail in the treatise, this hyperactive quality of personal sexual flexibility and fluidity is often one of the most essential elements of successful hypersexuality (as I understand it). And, I believe that it may also be one of it’s most powerfully progressive attributes.
Look for the post before the end of March!